I just pynch a tree in the face
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
