You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
