i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
