Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
