I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
