If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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