i just wanna soil my oats bro
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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