guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
