How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
COCAINE IS GR8
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
