Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
This show inspires me to have sex in space
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
