p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
