she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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