Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
