im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
