He had one of those small greek statue penises
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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