I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Are my feet made of real feet?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
