I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
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