better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
