I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
