my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
