Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
