His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
