Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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