I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
