At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
