Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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