How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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