Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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