I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
