Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You've changed since you got that strap on
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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