he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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