my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
