How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
soo... how was my night?
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