high people should be assigned attendants
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
