My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
