DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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