Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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