Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
