She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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