I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
