My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
