Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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