I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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