why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
