Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
