I have demons in me.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
