you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
