as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
