she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
