see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
